I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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