Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
