i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
