mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
