so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
