oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
