I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
