my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
