he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
