I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
