i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
