I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
