I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
