so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
