Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We had to coat check the pizza.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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