just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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