i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
