Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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