I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
