the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
where are my eyebrows?
I'm really busy with my period
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