Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize