i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
