one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
