okay pat passed out under dana's car
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
