White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
do herpes really smell.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
