Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
