I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
40s are totally the cure
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
