I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
