I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
