i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
