If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
