apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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