I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she smelled like a LAN party
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
