we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.