didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches