Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
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A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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