I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what day is it and did you see me today?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
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I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....