Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
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The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to