What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off