So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
