I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
