so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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