I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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