Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
