You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
