He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
