I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
