Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize