I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
