singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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