hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
