Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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