I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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