so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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