why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
only you would photoshop your dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
