Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
