Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
