Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
