did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
