She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
