when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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