i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
