erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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