I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
