Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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