it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Duck Duck Cougar?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
