But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
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You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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