I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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