mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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