We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
