a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
