so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
