he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
