went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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