Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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