so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
